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可能是藥性的關係，禮拜晚上雖然發燒，想睡可是睡不著。早知道就不應該吃含有咖啡因的班納度加強錠。整個人在床上翻來覆去，一直感到很暈眩。燒一直不退，沒辦法，就去廁所拿了一個桶，放水加入冰塊，用布條浸水，嘗試伏著額頭降溫。換了幾次佈，心想這也不是辦法，不可能整晚一直換下去，就自己凌晨三點獨自出門去買無咖啡因的班納度和能伏在額頭的散熱片。去Esso沒有賣散熱片，只好走去大牌19的7-11買。回到家吃藥，伏上散熱片就想辦法入睡。可悲嗎？
整晚睡不好，又因為咖啡因的緣故，思緒不斷地跑。心裡想很多，開始納悶起來。我心裡一直掛念的人是不可能會想到我。我這幾個月來常想起的人是不會對我有好感，因為不可能。
是我想太多（我也這樣說）
但你（有）沒有真的心疼我
有沒有人此時此刻在心疼我？在掛念我？在擔心我？我想沒有。你有嗎？我想也沒有。就算我再怎麼表示，我過不了我自己這關，你也不可能有什麼回應。我在堅持什麼？我在懊惱什麼？我在接受不了什麼？我以後的路要怎麼走我真的不知道。我只知道我很怕一個人。我不喜歡一個人。
年齡將近二十三的我恍然發現我不再是青少年。我還很幼稚，對未來仍然沒有規劃。我爸在二十五歲時就結婚，有工作，人生有規劃，而我到現在一個伴都沒有。我的伴會是誰，我迷惘。
一個人活在壓抑中是多麼可怕的事，你知道嗎？也或許因為我逐漸有能力獨立，我開始瞭解我為什麼近年來才開始嚮往上夜店，嚮往自我陶醉，嚮往放縱自己。我慶倖我今年年尾出國交流時有朋友一起去，不然我不知道我一個人在外會作什麼蠢事，而會不會一失足成千古恨。私欲——就是如此。
我說這麼多也無濟於事，因為我的私欲如今還是被我的理性壓抑著。我很難想像有一天上帝會跟我說：“你控制了你的私欲，作得好。”就為了控制，我有多難受祢知道嗎？
This is the bottom line. The good that God promises me isn't a situation, possession, position or relationship. The good that he promises me is himself. What could possibly be a better gift than that? - Shelter in the time of storm
歸根結蒂，上帝向我應許的美好，並非指某個處境、資產、地位或關係。祂向我應許的美好，是祂自己。世上哪還會有更美好的禮物呢？——唯獨那暴風雨中的避風港。
我心裡冷笑了一下。
Chinese to English.
Probably due to the effects of the drug, even though I wanted to sleep the fever off on Sunday night, I couldn't. I shouldn't have taken Panadol Extra, which had caffeine. I was tossing and turning in bed, yet drowsy at the same time. My fever persisted, so I got myself a bucket of ice water, dipped a towel in and placed it on my forehead. After changing the towel a few times, I realise I couldn't do this all night. So I left my house alone at 3 am to buy some normal Panadol and cooling pads. Esso did not sell the cooling pads; no choice but to go to the 7-11 at Blk 19 to get some. Ate the medicine when I reached home, put on the cooling pad and tried to sleep. Pathetic eh?
I didn't sleep well the whole night. The effects of caffeine kept me awake and pensive. Emotions started to well up. The person that I have been thinking of all these months is not going to be thinking of me now, neither will that person have anything for me, because it will never happen.
是我想太多（我也這樣說）
但你（有）沒有真的心疼我
(I know too that) I think too much
But (has) your heart ever ached for me
Is there anyone right now whose heart is aching for me, or missing me, or worrying for me? I guess not. Are you? I don't think so either. No matter how I express myself, I can't get pass myself, neither will you ever reciprocate. So what am I waiting for? What is it that I am troubled about? Why the hell am I not able to accept it? I really don't know what lies ahead of me, I just know I'm afraid to be alone. And I hate being alone.
I am almost 23 already and it's only now that I finally get it in my head that I'm no longer young. But I haven't grown up - I haven't planned for my future. When my dad was 25, he got married, got a job, had a plan in life. Whereas for me, I don't even have a partner. Who will that person be? I don't know; I'm lost.
Do you know how scary it is to live under suppression? And probably also because I can be independent now, I start to realise why I want to go clubbing so much nowadays, why I want to indulge in myself nowadays, why I just want to let my hair down nowadays. I think I should be happy that I am going exchange this year end with a friend, else I really don't know what stupid things I will do out there. I may very well make that one mistake that I will regret for life. That, is suppression for you.
But no matter how much nonsense I say now doesn't mean a thing because my desires till today are still suppressed by my rationality. I cannot imagine one day God telling me that I have done well in controlling my desires. Really, I would say, then do You know much I've been through to control them?
This is the bottom line. The good that God promises me isn't a situation, possession, position or relationship. The good that he promises me is himself. What could possibly be a better gift than that? - Shelter in the time of storm
Is that so...?