几天前，星期一，我爸进医院动手术。医生发现他心脏部位有些异形细胞，要抽出来化验。手术成功。
今天，我刚得知那些细胞是癌细胞，有扩散到他肺部。第三阶段。(Malignant Thymoma, 3rd Stage)
我心很痛，很痛。我心中的悲，我说不出来。我想像不到我家庭会遇到这种事，我想像不到为什么要在我考试时期发生。我不懂未来，我心很痛。
记得秋香老师跟我讲，今年尾，A水准逼近的时候，我将面对的试验会是我在BT2考试时来的更艰难。她告诉我必须在接下来的日子督促自己，准备自己。不断禁食、祷告。
我作到了啊。。。我有禁食啊。。。我真的有禁食啊。。。可是我没有料到会那么严重。我担当不起，我承受不起。祢未免太苛刻了吧。我很彷徨。
属灵征战。。。听很多次了。。。经历过几回了。。。我累了。。。
对不起，我没心情翻译。。。
A few days back, heard from my teacher an RJ person committed suicide. Heard he/she couldn't take the teacher's scolding. I wonder what actually happened... He/she travelled to Woodlands to jump. Wow, has this become the latest craze..?!?! :|
Soon after that, I heard of a friend who has been quite depressed for close to a month, and questions about life, and the point of living. Quite sianz... This world once again proves how fragile life is.
I realise the subject codes are wrong for physics and chemistry.
Physics 9246
Chemistry 9251
I have updated the files as follows...
Phy Chem Econ Math:
Click herePhy Chem Math:
Click here
A song that my friend, Edmund, composed quite some time ago.
click:
中文 原词 Original ChineseEnglish你是否怀疑过主
怀疑祂的大爱和存在
并祂一切所应许你的
你是否曾经孤单
彷彿神不存在 已离去你
不再听你的祷告
不需要在疑惑
我主并没有忘记你
无论到天涯或到海角
我主必定在那里
只要你完全信靠
信 望 爱 永远持守
我朋友你不要灰心不要绝望
耐心等待主 必垂听你祷告
Have you questioned the Lord
Questioned His love and His existance
and all that He has promised you
Have you ever felt lonely
feeling that God has left you
and never will listen to your prayers
Do not doubt anymore
The Lord has not forgotten you
Where ever you may go - till the ends of the earth
My Lord will be there for you
As long as you trust in him;
holding on to faith, hope and love
My friend, don't be discouraged
For if you wait patiently for the Lord
He will hear your prayers
finally, it's the last day of the prelims. Don't really know whether I'm suppose to be happy because this only means that A levels is up next.
Sianz.Suddenly wonder the fragility of life, and all the mishappenings that have been appearing. Quite a few people died these two years that are related to me directly or indirectly - by age, school, religion, friend, or relative.
Found out the reason why some of them died (other than disease-related or natural ones) and just feel sad, for them. Sometimes, I find it understandable for their decision regardless of how stupid it was. But I guess, under severe stress and chronic depression, no one thinks straight. No one bothers about rationale, why suicide is a stupid choice, no one cares about the world. About the vj boy who killed himself, heard from my friend, who seeks the same psychologist as him, he didn't kill himself because of his genitals were like what
the media said (exaggerated) in his will. Possible reason he stated it because it was just one of the things that was going through his mind at that time of severe depression. He refused medication, and obviously when he was writing his will, he wasn't thinking straight. Wrote that in his will and the media made a big hooha (realise that hooha
is a proper word, in british english) about it. Whatever lah. I think the media is horrible. However juicy this news is, the boy is still under 18. I think his privacy should be respected the least, that he is still considered a junior or minor. You think about it yourself. Who will kill himself
just because his genitals are too small?
Obviously there are so many attributing reasons to it. I believe you have experienced it before and you would agree with me it is rare that you become depressed due to a
single reason. Usually it's a whole lot of problems happening all at the same time, you feel helpless, you feel lonely, you want care, concern, from people that you feel you should get them from (but you don't). You shout, scream, cry, to no avail because the problem is not solved by doing so.
So why must the media exaggerate the genitals portion of his will. And not look into other areas, like his social life, his stress level, his family problems, his self-image in terms of his emotional, (in this case) physical, or even spiritual sense. Is the human mind is
so simplistic? We are not animals. We don't live to eat, reproduce and die.
Apparently, when one is in severe depression, he does not think straight. Believe me, so what if no one
felt that he showed no symptoms of suicidal thoughts. He would have showed it but the world around him is just too oblivious to it. To wait till his death, then say that "it was so sudden" is just an excuse. An excuse to cover up how indifferent the world can be to anyone's emotional needs. However, it's not the world's fault. Everyone is just too busy with whatever they have to do; work and studies. Who can afford to be sensitive? The only entitled people to be sensitive are irritating girls, and gays. Girls who are over-sensitive are considered irritating or even ridiculous. Guys who are over-sensitive are just gay. Who wants to be sensitive?
Please don't be fooled by how simplistic the human mind is shown by the media. Drama serials are drama serials because they are
drama. News are news because they are of worth mentioning to get attention, an audience. A simple emphasis on an aspect of life, such as those touched on, by drama serials, like divorce, marriage, suicide, does not illustrate enough how complex the process is. Divorce don't happen overnight like how drama serial portrays it. Drama serials don't show the element of time. The in-between process that drive one up to a decision; tragedy or happiness.
The world is obsessed with results, while the involved party is with process. When you don't get results in your exams, do your future employers care about the hard work you put in? NO. You are the one that is frustrated, angry about how hard you studied but to no corresponding result. When someone commits suicide, do onlookers bother about the process why it led to this outcome? NO. They only know, can talk about the immediate cause, the appeared reason. The one who is dead,
is the one who is grieved by the process he has gone through. The sadness he went through till he made is decision.
I am not promoting suicide. I just feel that we should investigate, and understand the process that led to this outcome. Not just be obsessed with the result -
all to
prevent similar occurances, similar possible re-enactments. But then again, this requires someone who is
sensitive. Ironic.
Realise this has nothing to do with my title - chem 1. But it's sad, and depressing the world is screwed up; imperfect. And we are in it.
By the way, blogger is down for 15 minutes on 19 sept, 3 am (singapore time) as noted on
status.blogger.com.
hm... Today, I woke up really early, at about 5 or 5:30. Made some last minute studying. After that, I went early to school for morning worship, at 7am. One of the really rare times when I actually reach school before 7:25am. Really needed the time, the worship to calm me down. I was panicking lah. I did not touch chemistry for the whole september holidays only until Sunday night. Rushing like mad.
Fortunately, the paper was not that difficult. I wasn't really pulling my hair or anything. In fact, I finished rather early cause I had planned to do each question within 15 min, which was actually a rush. In the end, I did finish the paper. But I realise I may have a lot of mistakes. Haha. Not because I was careless, but I thought I was correct, to find out that my concept was slightly wrong. As for food chem and inorganic chem, I was crapping. While momo was discussing what bacteria name he wroted down to describe the making of yoghurt, I was just wondering how funny it would be as I wrote down as my answer. "The bacteria in the yoghurt changes lactose to an acid." Haha. Inorganic chemistry was the time when I was quite confused, still not sure in my concept, so I just crapped what I could think of.
Really felt relaxed after the paper. I seem to be very relaxed after every paper. At least another paper is gone. Not very confident of getting any As for the subjects this time. Hopefully this is NOT the case for As. Maybe I'm just stressing myself too much, maybe I am suppose to get such results, maybe it's time I study Physics for tomorrow...
I think by now you would have noticed the 2 clocks on my blog. One above, counting down to the first A LEVELS paper!!!! which is GP (2 nov), IN ABOUT TWO MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!
The other, just to tell you the time.
I went to the SEAB website and found out the timetable for the upcoming A levels. And 15 Nov, wed is the most horrible day for me with Econs paper 1 and 2 and Physics 3. What a day...
You must be wondering when is your last day of exam. That will be...
15 nov who take phy or econs,
17 nov who take chem,
20 nov who take hist or f maths,
22 nov who take eng lit,
or 23 nov who take bio.
And obviously the more of the above subjects you take, the later you end.
And expected, the *** s papers end late. The latest would econs s, 27 nov. Poor serene. I "fortunately" will end on 24 nov.
I have some timetables which you can use if you want...
Phy Chem Econ Math:
Click herePhy Chem Math:
Click hereIf there are any problems with the timetable, pls tell me. Thanks.
All the best for 'A's and get your As....! Haha. :)
Meanwhile, I will
try to study for my prelims.
And before I end off, HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY to all the teachers!!!
Currently: mdm lee, ms wong, mr lee, jiwen, ms wong, ms yeo, mr lum and mr chay!!!!