well... today really very bad mood... go to sch face black until cannot black... first period was pe... it was a frisbee day... one of my favourite day... but no mood to play... the other team keep winning... bring my morale even lower... change opponents also the same... the group keep asking why we cannot win... the moment pe finished... i disappeared... went str8 to cafe.. then went for chinese lesson...
after chinese was econs tutorial... went in... really angry... dunno why... then moses keep making noise... at that time... i was really irritated... but i din say anything... who noes what i will do... most prob will shout at him to shut up... but its not his fault lah... he's always like that... juz that today... i cannot take it...
chi engthen break... finally... can rest... i am so freaking tired these few days.... but as usually i din get to slp... juz went to eat... physics lecture... this was dreadful... started to fall asleep after eating... as usual... cant even listen properly to what ong was saying... towards the end of the lecture... i started to "regain my conscious"... ong released us early... so.. i went to ask jeremy some physic and math question... and i got my answer... haha... moses wanted to play the piano... so we went down... and started playing as in 玩钢琴 more like fooling around... haha... and jojo started playing... can tell she can play the piano... hm... seems like all the band ppl in sch quite multi-instrumented... then it was gp..
then break... finally... can rest... i am so freaking tired these few days.... but as usually i din get to slp... juz went to eat... physics lecture... this was dreadful... started to fall asleep after eating... as usual... cant even listen properly to what ong was saying... towards the end of the lecture... i started to "regain my conscious"... ong released us early... so.. i went to ask jeremy some physic and math question... and i got my answer... haha... moses wanted to play the piano... so we went down... and started playing as in playing with the piano... more like fooling around... haha... and jojo started playing... can tell she can play the piano... hm... seems like all the band ppl in sch quite multi-instrumented... then it was gp..
today really very sianz... after all these... i went to macs wif jj to study... overslpt on the bus ride... sianz... i din do anything there... juz sit there waiting for questions from him... at least finally i finished integration wif him... he then want to go west mall... so we took a bus there... on the way back... oversleep again.... dotz.... haiz... at least in the night i felt better... not so full of anger... and frustration... but why am i feeling so....
maybe because i am very tired... today i am not in a very good mood... go to sch... try to make myself happy bah... laugh.... joke... har-har...
then the best thing to spoil my mood totally... bring it all the way down to the core of the earth... someone asked me if i was gay... obivously not... and this isnt the first time someone frm this sch has asked me... 3 times to be exact... i really wonder what's wrong... why are people asking me this question... its only this year that i start getting this kind of weird questions... does my actions show as such... i dun see other people being asked so... so what's the fuss?... confused... melancholy.... sianz....
someone once told me a person's behaviour cannot show one's sexual orientation... haha... i wonder the authencity of that... is tt rite?... my assumption would be that his behaviour would somehow reflect... but oh well... dun care
i think acceptance is really impt in the society... and someone did reflect to me the world izzen a really accepting place... u got to be good-looking, smart, well-rounded or at least... be the norm.. any slight weird part of ur life is shown... there are bound to be ppl disliking u... (but be reasonable... if u choose to irritate ppl... dun blame others for hating u...) however, if u r did not, then i think u are juz one of the victims of this world... superficial... of course, i dun expect myself to be accepting of everyone but at least... respect... is what i think everyone wants and should be given... dun place ur focus on the shortcoming of others... just like how u dun want others to do so to u...
chi engpromos around the corner... havent really prepared well... ppl ask me so... i reply no... they dun believe... then ask for what rite... 无聊的要死。。。 i juz try my best ba.... my morale for final year izzen really high... 过一天看一天吧。。 see how long i can last... moreover, things that happen recently aint helping me at all... and that stupid pw... why must it be so agonising to do... got to do eom and i&r... havent done no nothing... see how lorh...
promos around the corner... havent really prepared well... ppl ask me so... i reply no... they dun believe... then ask for what rite... lame... i juz try my best ba.... my morale for final year izzen really high... i guess i'll live by the day... see how long i can last... moreover, things that happen recently aint helping me at all... and that stupid pw... why must it be so agonising to do... got to do eom and i&r... havent done no nothing... see how lorh...
1 or 2 i can still stand,
but izzen 3 too many,
confused, lethargy, sadness,
is more than what i can carry...
just finished my piano exam... screwed up the whole thing... examiner din use pedal.. i actually said she used it... she got a shock... i also got a shock... so embarassing... haiz... fail liao lorh.... next year must try again... sian sia... dun even noe whether i will have the time to do handle all this stress again... moreover... next year got block test...
feel so slack these few days... its like i haven't done anything at all... feeling like a dead fish... dun want to do anything... cannot do anything... promos coming liao... i still so blur about all my subjects... no time to study... no mood to study... dunno what's wrong wif me also... juz want to laze around do nothing... but got so much things to do...
went around reading some of my friends' blog.. suddenly find them very depressive... hm... what happened... seems like the blog only writes their troubles and anger... saddening to see them like tt lah.... i mean see them usually very cheerful one... but deep inside full of grief... no where to vent frustrations... hm... am i thinking too much...?
but at least i saw one happy entry... dotz.... haha.. good for him lorh....
maybe i dun disturb those ppl liao... every time go sch make a nuisance out of myself... forming a bitch club and being a member of it.... haiz.. fun is fun lah... but i find myself irritating ppl for my own leisure/entertainment... quite bad lah... but i dunno lah... sometimes i really find the class too quiet.... everyone's juz in their depressive moods... studying..... sometimes some bitching can add life to de class... haha... but well... dunno what's the response lorh...
i really hope i can enjoy my jc life lah... but it seems like i am asking for a lot...
feel quite bad actually.. sports club fairwell party for jc2.. i have to leave early... it seems like i can never make it for any sports club event... the camp lah... which was a very very good time for bonding and knowing each other... i cannot go... before that... canoeing... i also din go... now the fairwell party also i cannot go for the full thing... every time after sports club meeting also have to rush off to other places for bible study lah... or cg meeting.... cant stay for long.... relations in sports club also not say very gd... every time go there also dunno who to tok to.... who i can clique with... juz go there tok to myself... then everybody there think i am a loner..... wah liew.... what can i do rite... all of u all in ur cliques liao... i only can feel left out.
dunno lah... feel like everything is not going very well for me now lah... only can pray that God will make a way for me... where there seems to be no way... my piano exam... retake lorh.... studies... see how lah... got time to study zai shuo... relations in sports club... i cant do much now... too late liao... church stuff.... zou yi bu kan yi bu lorh..... wo mei zhe liao....
sianz....